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Saturday, May 10, 2014

Growing Love and a Garden

Charlie and I do not have much in common. If fact, this has been a major road bump in our relationship over the years. Although we have many different interests we do have one that we share and that is gardening.. Every fall and winter we talk about our plans for gardening constantly. When spring rolls around we can barely contain ourselves. Every single year we kill at least half of our crop because we start too early. We always try something different as well. The first year we did planter boxes. We had never gardened before and put everything way too close so all the plants ended up strangling each other for lack of room. The next year we worked in a gardening spot in the back corner of our backyard. This seemed like a good space but the dirt was just no good. Our neighbors told us that when they had built these houses the builders took all the top soil and just left the clay. Unfortunately the only thing that grew that year was weeds. The year after that we were still determined to make that plot in the corner work so we rented a heavy duty tiller and many bags of soil and manure. My husband worked that soil like nobody's business. He even made and installed his own drip system for every individual plant. All the hard work we put in that year and the plants still struggled to grow. We eventually gave up and let the weeds and lack of water kill them off. This year we tried to convince ourselves that we were finished with the heartache and would find a new hobby. We almost were convinced but then spring came around again. The beautiful weather, all the tempting plants sitting out on shelves at EVERY store, we just could not resist. We sat down and had a serious conversation. If we were really going to give it another shot, how were we going to do it? It is difficult to pour hundreds of dollars and hours upon hours worth of your time and effort to yield no crop. We decided to try something that we hadn't done before. We were going to grow everything we wanted to grow but were going to do it in containers. Next we came up with the list of what we wanted to plant.

Plants In Containers:
Green Beans
Mr. Stripey Heirloom Tomato
Patio Tomato
Sugar Snap Peas
Zucchini
Yellow Squash
Strawberries
Green Bell Pepper
Mexibell Pepper
Jalepeno
Sweet Gypsy Pepper
Romaine Lettuce

Herbs In Containers:
Stevia
Cilantro
Oregano
Parsley
Basil
Mint

After looking at our list we knew a few items were missing..

Carrots, onions, radishes and red potatoes. The plan of action we decided to take was to build a raised bed close to our patio and the hose to put the carrots, onions and radishes in. We have never planted potatoes before and so had no idea what to do with them. I obviously knew just what to do and turned to Pintrest. I found a container built specifically for potatoes and it looked amazing. I showed it to my hubby and the decision was made... As the potatoes grow, we will add siding and soil. That way they will continue to grow up the structure. As is gets taller we can remove the bottom planks and pull potatoes out. This container we built is suppose to rear up to 100lbs of red potatoes each season.

Everything looks great and we both have high hopes for this year!!

We didn't over plant, everything will be easy to water and the weeds should be easy to control. There is nothing quite like picking fruits, herbs and veggies off of your own plants and preparing them to eat. What a wonderful gift God has given us through plants and gardening.

I will keep you all updated on our container garden's progress this summer..

Wish us luck!






Tuesday, April 15, 2014

My Daily Struggle

Today my heart hurts a little more than normal. Today I found out that I am going to be an Aunt... for the 8th time.. Well, I found this out awhile ago, but today I found out that I will be getting a nephew. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being an Aunt. I take that job very seriously. My heart is filled with joy and at the same time it is filled with sadness. I can literally feel my heart drop into my stomach. You probably don't understand what the problem is.. Well, let me tell you.

The problem is that I am “infertile”

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 6 years. We've done fertility treatments, special diets, lots of testing, the lay on your back with your butt and legs in the air for 30 minutes.. Everything..

I have something called PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) It has caused me a lot of trouble over the years but the worst side effect is my infertility. When I found out my sister in-law was pregnant with her first baby in February I cried, man oh man did I cry. I didn't cry because I am mad that other people have babies, or that I am more deserving, or anything like that. I cry because my heart is heavy. And I'm tired. I cry because I cannot give my husband what he should have... A complete family. It is hard to watch the people that met and married years after we did have children and continue to move forward with their lives.

I feel stuck, almost frozen in time. For more than 6 years my husband and I have not progressed our family. We have pugs. Pugs are wonderful, but they are not human babies. They honestly help relieve some of the pressure and I love them for that.

We have talked about foster care (I don't know if I could do it.. I'm someone that could never open my heart like that to a child and then have them returned to their “birth parents” I love the idea of helping a child in need but I am just not strong enough right now to do it through foster care.) We have talked about surrogacy (That is also not for us. I hate the thought of someone else growing a child that has my husband and my genes, making that connection with my baby that I should have!) We have considered IVF (This is not something we want to do because it is crazy expensive and there is no guarantee that I would even get pregnant) Then there is adoption.. we like that idea.

I think that most of us imagined growing up that we would be having our own babies. We would see the family resemblances and the goofy quirks that have been passed down from generation to generation. Some may feel that I am selfish for wanting that for my husband and myself. I often feel like I am selfish for wanting that too but I just can't help it. It is so hard for me to accept that that is not an option for us. I could love any baby as much as I would one that came from inside of me but its about the experience. Using my body the way that God intended it to be used. When you are pregnant, God is literally creating a masterpiece inside of you. There is nothing more beautiful or could possibly be more of an honor than for God to use you to create life.

I need to learn to accept that God has different plans for different people. I have to let go of my earthly desires and look to God for what my future may hold. I need to walk in faith and not rely on my own understanding. God is not punishing us like I often feel He is. The plan that He has for my life is just different and thats okay.

So today I am going to take a deep breath and hold my head up high. I will trust in my Father and push through the heartache. Everything will be just fine. I will be just fine.